Selby Selection Read online

Knock Knock

  knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Patsy.

  Patsy who?

  Patsy dog and he’ll wag his tail.

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Harris.

  Harris who?

  Harris covering your

  head.

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Tiny Mike.

  Tiny Mike who?

  Tiny Mike Robe coming to make you sick!

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Ken.

  Ken who?

  Ken I come in, I’ve been waiting for ages?

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Stanton.

  Stanton who?

  Stanton here is boring. Let me in.

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Les.

  Les who?

  Les go out and play.

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Andrew.

  Andrew who?

  Andrew a picture of the principal and she’s in big trouble.

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Felix.

  Felix who?

  Felix Sited to see me?

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Boo.

  Boo who?

  [Shout] Boo! Did I scare you?

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Nutty.

  Nutty who?

  Nutty as a fruitcake.

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Element.

  Element who?

  Element to come

  but she sent me

  instead.

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Rita.

  Rita who?

  Rita Selby book and you’ll laugh your head off.

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Ken.

  Ken who?

  Ken you come out and play?

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Maida.

  Maida who?

  Maida a pie for you, let me in.

  Knock knock.

  Who’s there?

  Noise.

  Noise who?

  Noise to see you.

  Songs Songs Songs

  Why is it That Everyone Hates Me?

  Spoken verse 2

  I opened my mouth for the dentist

  Then I gave a big sneeze a-a-choo!

  So why did he have to get cranky?

  Just ‘cos I bit off a finger or two?!

  (He still had eight more fingers!)

  Spoken verse 3

  I was helping the man at the petshop

  Then he called me a terrible brat

  Only because I saved pet food

  By feeding the fish … to the cat!

  (The cat was happy!)

  Spoken verse 4

  My Granny’s teeth fell in the toilet

  I said, ‘I’ll get them out in a rush!’

  I reached down with my little finger

  And they disappeared in a flush!

  (She needed some new teeth, anyway!)

  Spoken verse 5

  Our infants school teacher is special

  She is in a class all her own

  Because when she went to the dunny

  I told all the kids to go home!

  (Why was she so angry? I don’t know!)

  This Sorry Hound Is City Bound

  That’s it

  About the Author

  Duncan Ball is an Australian author and scriptwriter, best known for his popular books for children. Among his best-loved works are the books about Selby, the only talking dog in Australia and, perhaps, the world. The Selby books have been published in New Zealand, Germany, Japan and the USA, as well as Australia, and have won many awards, most of which were voted by children.

  Among Duncan’s other books are the Emily Eyefinger series, about the adventures of a girl who was born with an eye on the end of her finger, and the comedy novels Piggott Place and Piggotts in Peril, about the frustrations of twelve-year-old Bert Piggott, forever struggling to get his family of ratbags and dreamers out of the trouble they constantly get themselves into.

  Duncan lives in Sydney with his wife, Jill, and their cat, Jasper. As far as they know, Jasper likes the Selby books. But once when they were thinking of getting a dog, they bought a book about dogs. That night the book mysteriously disappeared. In the morning bits of the well-clawed cover were found floating in the loo.

  By the Same Author

  Emily Eyefinger

  Emily Eyefinger, Secret Agent

  Emily Eyefinger and the Lost Treasure

  Emily Eyefinger and the Black Volcano

  Emily Eyefinger’s Alien Adventure

  Emily Eyefinger and the Devil Bones

  Emily Eyefinger and the Balloon Bandits

  Emily Eyefinger and the Ghost Ship

  Emily Eyefinger and the Puzzle in the Jungle

  Emily Eyefinger and the City in the Sky

  Piggott Place

  Piggotts in Peril

  Selby’s Secret

  Selby Speaks

  Selby Screams

  Selby Supersnoop

  Selby Spacedog

  Selby Snowbound

  Selby Surfs

  Selby Snaps!

  Selby Splits

  Selby Stardom

  Selby’s Side-splitting Joke Book

  Selby Sorcerer

  Selby’s Scrambled

  Selby’s Shemozzle

  Selby’s Joke Book

  Selby’s Joke Book

  Selby’s Shemozzle

  Duncan Ball

  Selby, the only talking dog in Australia, and perhaps the world, is in a bit of a mess. So much of a mess, in fact, that you might call it a shemozzle!

  Selby’s shemozzle starts when he tells a joke that’s so funny, he puts the whole town of Bogusville in the hospital. And he doesn’t stop there …

  Between being coated in chocolate and almost eaten by those horrible brats Willy and Billy, falling in love with the world’s first talking cat, pretending to be a seeing-eye dog and maybe — just maybe — changing the recipe of Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuits, Selby is in a right shemozzle. But the biggest shemozzle of all is when he becomes invisible …

  How does he get himself out of it? Prepare to laugh yourself silly as you find out!

  Copyright

  Angus&Robertson

  An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, Australia

  First published in Australia in 2001

  This edition published in 2011

  by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited

  ABN 36 009 913 517

  www.harpercollins.com.au

  Copyright © Duncan Ball 2001

  Illustrations copyright © Allan Stomann 2001

  The right of Duncan Ball to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.

  This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  HarperCollinsPublishers

  25 Ryde Road, Pymble, Sydney, NSW 2073, Australia

  31 View Road, Glenfield, Auckland 0627, New Zealand

  A 53, Sector 57, Noida, UP, India

  77–85 Fulham Palace Road, London, W6 8JB, United Kingdom

  2 Bloor Street East, 20th floor, Toronto, Ontario M4W 1A8, Canada

  10 East 53rd Street, New York NY 10022, USA

  National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data:

  Ball, Duncan

  Selby’s selection / Duncan Ball.

  ISBN: 978-0-2072-00
40-3 (pbk.)

  ISBN: 978-0-7304-9516-1 (ePub)

  1. Dogs – Juvenile fiction. I. Stomann,Allan. II.Title.

  A823.3

  Cover design by Christa Moffitt, Christabella Designs, adapted by Judi Rowe

  Cover and internal illustrations by Allan Stomann